who cares about football shut up


i was thinking about football the other day and it sort of dawned on me how hilarious it is. you might think that humans stopped killing each other for our entertainment centuries ago but no just tune into espn on sunday and youll see organized teams of animalistic armored assholes competing to see who can withstand the most brain damage before moving on to aggressively pack-snuggle the next team of ironclad douchebags and get even more brain damage. have you ever seen the brain of someone with cte? it has the consistency of jelly but i guess its worth it in the end if the nfl is paying you six figures a year to slowly kill yourself and others. hope you brought your pizza and chips

maybe its for the best though. whats this freak so excited about? a "touch down?" fat chance. odds are he actually just caught wind of an orphanage being burned to the ground which could only be put out by smothering the flames with dead puppies. look i guess its nice that i dont need to worry about actually being hunted by one of these astroturf-grazing gladiators but that doesnt mean you should feel any safer around the people who throw their shit like roided gorillas when their team of brain damaged rich guys loses against someone elses team of brain damaged rich guys. wait now that im reading this post again that kind of sounds awesome. i guess this post is useless now

with the exception of napoleon dynamite, superbowl 52 is probably the greatest underdog story in american history