a post about bootlegs

harry potter obama 10

to start you off with some context, my lovely partner likes this one character from this video game. a lot. they like this character so much that they went as far as buying a plushie of him. see, i usually dont have problems with stuff like this. you like a character and want merch? sweet. im not gonna act like my spending habits are wiser than anyone elses, but the issue here is like. ok, listen. my partner is great. theyre just so sweet and lovely- but you know what isnt just so sweet and lovely? this thing this fucking thing. oh my god it makes me laugh so damn hard, its so ugly. this ugly plushling is so damn off model and so far past teetering on bootleg material that i can literally see it growing bootfeet and boothips with a boottorso and bootarms starting to take shape the longer i look at every one of its hideous fibers. im not gonna claim to have ever been close enough to this caprine lumpfest to smell it, but you can just tell that it reeks of coach seats on board the ali express or hazardous toxic materials. bootleg figures and plushies like this are notoriously made with toxic materials. how cool is that. look at it. it doesnt even have hands, and the longer you look at it i swear it starts morphing before your very eyes, slowly forcing you to realize each and every thing wrong with it. that glob of slime supposed to be a hat. its face is so viciously nothing that it looks like a doctor is gonna come through the door and tell me that the lobotomy was a complete success at any moment, and for something thats supposed to be a goat, its snout is more akin to a swolen bulbous nose. is this thing is really even art? obviously it is, but i thought that asking such a ridiculous and stupid question to help you understand how unserious this blog post is would be funny. i guess it was only kind of funny. youd have to be a real moron to think i actually give any real fucks about this goat wizard thing. dont let any of this drivel distract you from what this post is actually about. i love bootlegs. i think theyre awesome. what even is that picture up there? im even willing to say that sometimes theyre even better than the intellectual property theyre ripping off. if youve ever seen that speedy blue-quilled douchebag, youll know exactly what i mean. god i fucking hate sonic. this isnt me doing an annoying egoraptorism either, i just cant stand his games, personality, his voice, or the gaudy cast of zany technicolor characters he calls his friends. sonic 3 is amazing because it has the instashield, the music in rush is incredible. i guess vector is pretty cool too, but thats kind of it for me. oh yeah. bootlegs. sonic has so many bootlegs and theyre all awesome. if youve been my friend for an extended period of time you probably know how much i used to talk about ogorki. maybe i talk about him slightly less than before, but i never actually stopped having a vast appreciation for ogorki and everything he stands for. if you want some obscure trivia about this dilated demon, you might be shocked to know that hes not actually a hedgehog. hes a dragon. proof? my friend pointed it out that it actually says "our little dragon recommends yummy, crunchiful pickles!" that actually blew my mind, and it should blow yours too if you respect yourself in any meaningful capacity. i dont even like pickles and that made me question my worldview. this post is way too long and shitty. eventually im gonna get around to talking about bootleg simpsons shit but we can cross that bridge when we get to it.