dude can you help me im really scared

hey so what the fuck is a munchster

i honestly cant remember what pocket of the internet i was perusing when some random guy without a profile picture dropped this nuclear mp4 without elaborating in some chat room i was in a few years ago but i really havent been the same since. my life could be temporally illustrated using the notation of BMA (before munchsters ad) and PMA (post-munchsters ad.) let it be known that youre reading a post ive been wanting to put together for a long ass time. the hard part is that now i actually have to write it, all in the good year of 3 PMA.

the only thing i kind of understand here is that munchsters are supposed to be some faux-lunchable meal supplement, but im still failing to gauge what the fuck the actual food product even is outside of these cyberpunk cubes with some kind of edible container. the kid in the cartoon constructs a sandwich thing out of it, but later The Being makes it look like an edible cup you pack the munchster shit in like a fat bowl and push down your gullet, but before you can even think too hard about whats actually being advertised, the ad is over and youre forced to come to terms with the fact that youre now a victim of the munchster cognitohazard and will be for the rest of your life. obviously i appreciate the work theyre putting into the art but the fact that this commercial doesnt even bother showing you an actual image of the food and instead opts to present an intentionally unfinished 3d cyber-minimalist render of their "lunchpods" really does lend some credence to my theory that this commercial is possibly shooting to be a subtle instance of brilliant postmodern artistry. look at that picture down there. the lunchpod. as if to say, munchsters are the only truly tangible aspect of our corporate hyper-reality anymore, and you dont even understand what youre buying. of course you want the only thing with color thats left, why wouldnt you? its horrible. beneath all the layers of meaningless abstraction lay a destitute munchster. im also willing to argue that they maybe just didnt care and it looked good enough since nobody cares because its a damn munchsters commercial i dont know. its. its making me go mad aaahhhh fuuuuck

ive always felt like for a commercial to be 'successful' it needs to be at the very least comprehensible even if its in an absurdly roundabout way, which is why when the superbowl comes around with its weird ads, people go goddamn apeshit over it. oh shit dude, who had the best commercial. was it soda or was it cars. i think peanuts had the best commercial this year dude. god anyone else feel like finishing this conversation over a munchster. but yeah im bringing this up because i just think its interesting how the munchsters ad actually starts out pretty damn coherent and then halfway through loses its footing because the one thing its lacking i guess was a nonverbal foreskin monster with a deformed porcine sidekick who eats his tv. its also just a spectacle to me because i cant think of another ad ive ever seen that required multiple viewings to get you theorizing about whats actually happening. according to some youtube comment the kids in the cartoon part are named whak and kayo and theres full cartoons with them and theyre lost media. ok literally who fucking cares

this ad is just called cartoon. a name way too laconic for its own good. i dont actually have anything more to say about the name i just thought it was worth mentioning. still though, i do take solace in knowing that this ad is in fact something that exists and i can show it to other people and itll be the same each time. could you imagine if the voice at the end said something like 'water is poison' and then you rewind so you could show somebody and then it said go mad for munchsters like normal. i literally cannot fathom anything more psychologically taxing than that. ok yeah at this point im kind of just distracting myself and making shit up to put off the inevitable task of talking about The Being.

yo what is this thing. is there concept art of this guy i can see. do we know who voice acted him. or her. or it. how does it reproduce. what does it look like as a baby. can it hate. i can only imagine that this thing is the product of some tormented 3d modeler reconstructing the machinations of their sleep paralysis demons. id also understand maybe a higherup at munchsterCo just being like 'make some weird shit' because if The Being really was meticulously designed and someone had a reference sheet with concept art and they demanded some poor artist give it a z axis, words cant even begin to illustrate how badly i need to see that piece of paper. believe me, there is some low hanging fruit here about how indecent it looks and yeah the fruit is ripe as hell, but also gratuitously describing how closely the munchsters thing resembles an uncut cock doesnt actually appeal to me as much as youd think it does. im sure The Being is a nice guy though. it sure seems to like munchsters. look, after youve seen the munchsters ad as many times as me maybe then youd understand why itd probably be a dope wingman. like oh, him? thats my guy right there. he just loafs around and eats his munchsters. hes the shit. ok yeah actually i fuck with it now. i dont even blame it for being kind of mean to his weird ass dog since its clearly an asshole. i mean just look at it. genuinely cant pinpoint where the sphincter ends and the everything else begins. i feel sick looking at it fuck you. look at The Beings face when his tv gets owned. its over for him. death is too good for the munchsters dog

ive also postulated that this is just real and not cgi. like something went wrong somewhere unknowable and instead of watching the milquetoast roadrunner shit at the beginning to its entirety, the facade of reality somehow pulled back and we temporarily got a glimpse of perceptions beyond our understanding. its all localized to this one ad and it will never happen again. by the way isnt it weird how this guy has a munchsters mobile by his tv. is this just always whats on. im so confused all the time because this is like an ad within not an ad within an ad. also i just realized that the pattern on its wallpaper is the silhouettes of the kids in the munchsters ads heads.

while i was writing this though i sort of realized that i missed something youd only miss if you werent in my position writing thesis papers on about how flagrantly unwell a munchsters commercial actually is. an entire layer obfuscated from the screen. its the viewer, whos honestly the butt of the joke when you get down to it. The Being buys merch. the commercial is about a guy whos way too enamored with an advertisement. its fucking mocking me. its poking and prodding at my quiddity because yeah if there was merchandise of The Being id be buying that shit too. and it knows i know its angle. and it doesnt care. it waves its enormous asshole in my face and eats that guys tv, ripping his happiness and satisfaction away from him. to understand this commercial is to be icarus, and to think about it this deeply is analogous to the heat of the sun. however it doesnt matter because munchsters went out of business and im still alive and happy so i won and munchsters look gross as shit anyway and is gone.

all it takes is one look into the mad world of munchsters to drive the sanest man to lunacy. i should mention that theres another munchsters ad called lick. it takes place outside and it stars a creature of a similar ilk to The Being, but this time theres two of them and theyre both licking the shit out of a munchsters billboard and thats it. i dont think theres as much to say about this one but im still lowkey enamored with knowing whats going on in the background. its like some sideways tony hawk ghost rapture or something. im kind of starting to believe that maybe craving munchsters is like the paragon of sinful behavior in this world because it looks like nothing but horrible things are happening to anyone after them, and anyone in the physical realm who desires them is some depraved bag of flesh. were these creatures born or were they made. being turned into one of them does seem like a pretty terrible punishment if thats what the munchsters world is going for, but really all this second ad does for me is make me think about the first one. hes inside his house. whatever is going on in there is probably leagues less horrific than whatevers going on with the munchster ghost phallus apocalypse outside.

dude something HAPPENED here